How to go around life not caring what people think and conquer your fear.
By Rio Wild
But what does not caring what people think and conquering fear have in common?
I watched an interview with one of my favourite women of all time, Reese Witherspoon. Reese, pointed out that the attention span of a person is short, so you shouldn’t worry about saying something you think is stupid and replaying the fateful moment over and over again.
For example, you’ve just been introduced to somebody, it’s an awkward engagement and you say something that you think is stupid. They will have forgotten and moved on within approximately 14 minutes (or up to twenty, but what’s 6 minutes between nerves?) to think about something else.
There have been countless experiments involving multiple stimulus and various apparatus and it all boils down to, who can really be bothered to keep thinking about what somebody said to you 14/20 minutes ago when you’re perusing the cocktail list and wondering whether you should have worn the other heels/remembered to feed the cat/sent the e-mail……..
Am I making my point?
But, let’s be honest, we’re all going to replay that moment. I’ve done it countless times. Over and over and over whilst replaying what I should of, could of, didn’t say. Jeez Louise, enough!
So how do we stop stressing over saying (what we think are) stupid things? Don’t say stupid things. Sounds simple enough right? Well it is, it’s all in our brain. Neuroscience is behind all of my new-found knowledge, a journey I’ve been thoroughly enjoying. Retraining my attitude, self-love, self-forgiveness and most of all, getting over the, ‘what the hell did I say that for?!’ episodes.
Talking about attention span experiments
Habits take about 21 days to set and if you keep those retraining sessions short, engaging and consistent, cue dopamine and a new habit to awesomeness. Sounds so simple, but is it? Yes. But you do need to emotionally invest in wanting to make that change.
Try a small step to awesome, just to try it on for size. Look at what’s going on in your life right now. There’s bound to be something big you’ve always dreamed of and to get there, those little tiny steps of preparing, learning, researching, gathering etc need to be done. Remember, we’re going in small. Small steps to big goals – check our recent social media #MayMeme series if you need further inspiration.
I’m going to use me as a test subject. I’m scared of heights. I don’t know how it started, potentially it could have been a near fatal crash in Ibiza about 9 years ago. Funny story to go with that though – always looking on the bright side!
My local nemesis were the escalators in the Galleries in Bristol City Centre, they would frighten me to near panic attack if I was going above the 1st floor. I’m thinking, ‘Uh uh, not looking down, there’s that the tingling in my vagina (does anybody else get that? It’s only when I’m scaling heights), sweaty palms, nausea, nausea, I feel sick, oh no, no, not the cloudy vision, I can’t breathe, and here’s the impending panic attack that will surely ensure the fall to my death! Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together. LET ME OFF!!! I reached the top before I thought I was going to fall to my death. Who’s with me on this? Let me know in the comments if you’ve experienced this.
Pinups In Paris
This had to stop. This year, The Pinup Family planned a trip to Paris for Miss April’s Hen Do and we wanted to go up the Eiffel Tower. Oh hell. This had been planned for some time, months, so I had a while to think about the best way to get around this without disappointing myself by not going up there and causing a ‘to do’ at the base. Somebody would offer to stay with me, because that’s what the Pinup Family are all about, then I’d feel bad that we weren’t all together. Drama!
Is this a habit that I put myself into, is this fear rational? Yes, I had potentially allowed a traumatic incident that happened many years ago to get gradually worse and worse and affect my life and what I wanted to do. Not fun; and I want to have fun. Is it a rational fear? Yes and no. But what can I do about it?
Getting up the Eiffel!
I approached this like a project, ‘Mission get your ass up the Eiffel’ was all systems go. I wrote down my fears:
- What if the lifts break?
- If I want to get off and it’s not possible, then what?
- How will I feel if can’t get off?
- Why do I want to go up the Eiffel?
- Imagine, if I didn’t do it, how will I feel?
- How will I feel if I do it?
- Do I really want to do this and how much?
Then I researched facts and dug deep inside my mind to figure out how much I really wanted to do this. I wanted to know that I was emotionally invested (there it is again – emotional investment is key) in achieving this, otherwise what’s the point?
Here’s what I found:
- The lifts have broken – the last incident was years and years ago during maintenance checks and there was nobody in it. Considering in just one year, The Eiffel Tower attracts over 7 million visitors and the lifts travel the distance of about twice the circumference of the earth, I think we’re doing OK. Better than OK. I think I could safely say, lift failure was not going to happen.
- I can’t get off, I just need to keep it together, but I’ll be cured by then and that won’t even be anything to worry about. Positivity and belief in myself for the win.
- See above point.
- Because I want my own pictures from the top and I want to be up there with my Pinup Family girls taking pictures and being super duper proud of myself that I’m up there. When I arrived in Paris, I found out that Venus La Mer was also afraid of heights, so we were in this together and determined to get up the Eiffel.
- I’ll feel darned upset and confused as to why I would have put so much work into being ‘Up the Eiffel’ ready and then not go up there. I’d feel very disappointed and then incredibly regretful and I know that I would rather step out of my comfort zone surrounded by my Pinup Family, than bow out and wait at the base looking up with tears in my eyes, a knot in my stomach and sadness in my heart. I will not let my mind win. My brain is stronger.
- Elated, proud, accomplished and ready for the next challenge – taking on my local nemesis and some taller landmarks around the World maybe……
- I REALLY want to do this. I want to prove to myself that I can do what I put my mind to, I can believe in myself and I can be proud of what I do. This is my opportunity to prove how awesome I am, to myself!
Who went up the Eiffel? I DID!
But what else got me up there?
Surely not just writing a bunch of questions and answers? Yes and no. After I wrote those down, I re-read them over and over every day until I knew I was getting this done. I was invested with my brain, heart, body and soul. I had visualised greatness in the shape of getting up the Eiffel, I could smell the Paris air, I could feel the wind against my face, the sun in the sky, the stunning landscape as it stretched away; and let’s not forget the affirmations.
My affirmations have become a part of every day life and I’m better because of it. My ‘Getting up the Eiffel’ affirmations were simple.
- I release all resistance and approve of myself. (This is a Louise L Hay classic!)
- In Paris, I am looking out from the top of the Eiffel Tower and I love heights.
These are the affirmations that I repeated for 21 days and more, just to get it to hit home.
Retrain your brain
So, you’re now probably wondering what the hell this has to do with saying something stupid, or should I say, something that you think is stupid right? It’s all mind over matter, it’s brain matter over your mind. Retrain your brain to control your mind.
Do you struggle with social anxiety in certain situations? Going somewhere new? Taking a test/exam?
- Write down your fear or fears – list them out.
- Combat each one – is it rational? I mean, is it a real fear or imagined? They’re just people. You’ve studied hard and if you feel that you haven’t studied quite enough, plan out some more study time – don’t forget your attention span and keeping it engaging. Keeping your mind in check with focus ensures that you don’t freak out and mess up. There’s more science here, but I’ll save that for a later date.
- Read over the evaluation, over and over until you can feel it, smell it, taste it, be there in that moment of awesome.
- Affirmations – present day, positive, look-yourself-in-they-eye, you’ve-got-this affirmations. Repeat them over and over, every day.
- Always look for the positive in a situation, there is always something good that comes out of it, some way for the universe and your life to show you a way, guide you to more awesome.
- Have the confidence in yourself to be the best that you can be and you’ll stop caring what other people think. You’ll be your best self and who cares what they think? Not you.
- Resilience comes from having fun, so make sure that you HAVE FUN!
- Write your goals, evaluations, visualisations and affirmations down so that you can read them over and over. First thing in the morning, throughout the day and last thing at night.
- If you can find a great audio book, such as Louise L Hay where she reads her books to you, then purchase it and listen to it whilst you’re walking the dog, at the gym, eating your lunch, bus/train to work.
- Everybody is different and if this doesn’t work for your then consider expanding your journey and looking into Bach flower remedies, meditation, hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP etc
So, I’m walking proof that it works and here’s the picture to prove it.
Thanks for joining me for our Feature Friday and I look forward to seeing you next week.
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Miss Chan Delier talks to us about Pinups Against Body Shaming.
Novelty Starr, Miss Pinup International, inspires us with her wise words on finding your unique persona.
Miss Whiskey Twist, Miss Pinup UK, bares her soul to empower us to take on the World.
Ruby Noir, Miss Pinup Ireland, gets active to support causes close to her heart.
Disclaimer: The author is sharing a journey and what they have learned with you, they are not a professional and expect that you take your health and wellbeing seriously. Please consult a professional, you are responsible for your health and wellbeing. Fear should be not be taken lightly.